


the guts to take the truth or consequence

by strongbut



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Study, Codependency, Friendship, Gen, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 12:12:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strongbut/pseuds/strongbut
Summary: Jester loves her friends, fiercely, so much so that it hurts her chest to think about how lucky she is to have found them and for them to have found her in return. She is learning that she can love them and also hate them, resent them, want to rip out their collective hair and tell them topull it together you guys, I am so tired of watching you fall apart.





	the guts to take the truth or consequence

**Author's Note:**

> hello have i mentioned that i relate to jester way too much? this is inspired by me relating to jester way too much and getting annoyed with the sort of patronizing vibe that fandom (and the other cr2 characters!) give her. 
> 
> this takes place in an as-of-yet-unwritten modern au where they all share a falling apart old victorian house with a serious rat infestation. lmk if you'd like to see more in this world! and, as always, reviews are loved and appreciated.
> 
> title is from 'good day' from the dresden dolls.

She knows that they look at her with— it’s not pity, no, not that. It’s lighter than that. Pity drags you down by the gullet and pulls you onto your knees. This is more gentle, just a hard-eyed look and half a smile. It’s the way they look at Frumpkin, or Molly when he gets too drunk and begins to cry and tell them all how _much_ he loves them.

It’s patronizing and slightly cruel. It is the way one looks at a child. Jester sees the expression, categorizes it, lets the fury of being infantilized by a gang of total and complete fuck-ups wash over it. How dare they. _How dare_ they _treat her like an oddity, like an old lady’s parrot who repeats her foul language without understanding._

But Jester has never had a particularly fierce temper and her anger is short-lived. She knows she’s odd; how could she not? She knows that she makes them nervous. _Fine. They make her nervous in return._

It makes her nervous that Caleb only answers one out of five calls from his probation officer and _still_ wears that awful hole-y jacket despite their constant pleading with him to _please, just let us buy you something nice._ Living with a ginger ex-con who dresses like Gamin #4 in a high school production of Les Miserables? That makes Jester fucking nervous.

And Nott? Terrified to leave the house, clinging to Caleb like a toddler? Coming home from the rare outing with her pockets stuffed with knick-knacks? Fjord, moaning in his sleep loud enough to wake the neighborhood, vomiting half his meals, playing at being a grown-up to hide his own mess of a life? Molly, who accidentally ripped out a nipple piercing trying to fit into a leather jumpsuit three sizes too small? Beau, constantly enveloped in a cloud of smoke and trying to look badass, buying weed with her _allowance from Mummy and Daddy?_ Yasha, coming home with a new bruise every fucking night (or morning, to be more accurate), so pleased with herself that she’d found a job that let her get beat up for free?

Yeah. Great fucking role models. And they have the nerve to think Jester’s the odd one. Jester’s the mess. _Jester_ needs parenting. Sure.

Not that it bothers her. Because it doesn’t. She loves her friends, fiercely, so much so that it hurts her chest to think about how lucky she is to have found them and for them to have found her in return. She is learning that she can love them and also hate them, resent them, want to rip out their collective hair and tell them to _pull it together you guys, I am so tired of watching you fall apart._

She knows that nagging doesn’t work though, so she lets herself be ridiculous in the hope that it’ll make them laugh. She buys donuts for breakfast and carves dicks into park benches. She dances badly to Molly’s horrible European techno music and pulls each of them into a dance, swings their arms until they don’t need her prodding. She will be stupid, she will be childish, she will be a fucking mess with them if that’s what it takes to make them comfortable with joy. If they need to feel superior to be happy, that’s fine. She just wants them happy. She _needs_ them happy or she thinks she might burst into a million pieces all over the living room. 

Lucky for Jester, she is very good at making them happy.


End file.
